melsheffler.com/blog

Google+ Review

2011-07-22T22:32:00.001-05:00

I've started using Google plus (G+) recently and people have asked what I think. So, for my 365 today I thought I'd do a serious review.

There are a few features that I really like and want to recommend straight-up:

1. You can edit posts. Between Apple's autocorrect and midnight posting, this is REALLY handy.

2. You can post something for one "circle" of friends quickly, or choose which circles get the news. So, the people in my friends group get all the good news and my family gets all the boring stuff (no, not really, but you get the point).

3. You can read posts from just one "circle" of friends quickly. If I'm waiting for an important family event, I don't want to scroll through friends' pictures and events to get to it. Facebook used to make this easy and I almost left for good when they changed it.

4. Sparks! Sparks are like news feeds, but they give you news on a particular topic. I use Google reader to get the bulk of my tech news, but I have a spark for web design. It helps me find interesting articles from new sources.

To find out if G+ is ready for you, answer these questions:

Do you already have a Google/gmail account?

Yes: Sign up. G+ will help you solidify all your Google contacts, Picasa images, chat and so on into one place (in a way Google Wave never did). I've had a Google account for quite a few years and it made G+ more fun and easy. I just dropped all my contacts into circles and was ready to go. Finding people is really easy as well.

No: There are tools to move your stuff (pictures, videos...) over from other services (Facebook), but it will take some time. You may want to try a gmail account, to see if you like their tools, and go from there.

Do you like chat or video chat?

Yes: The G+ hangouts and chat are pretty handy, but only if you know people already using the service.

No: You can still post like people do on Facebook or twitter and ignore the chat stuff.

Do you play Facebook games?

Yes: There are no G+ games yet.

No: There are no G+ games yet. Yeah! Update: There are games, but they are easy to ignore.

Do you have a second account for your "real" Facebook friends?

Yes: Why not move it to G+? It won't be long before Facebook recommends your alias to your mother anyway.

No: Sure. That weird name isn't you. (I won't tell.)

Are you a business?

Yes: Google says, 'wait, we have something special in the oven for you.'

No: Awww. You individual, you. ;)

Are most of your friends young/tech savvy?

Yes: A good portion of your friends are probably already on G+. They have probably started trendy conversations without you. Hurry.

No: No rush. Everyone you know is on Facebook and still will be for some time. I'm keeping my facebook and G+.

Lastly, are there images you'd like to keep from friends' Facebook pages?

Yes: You might want to ask for copies. If they switch, they may just ditch 'em all. (think MySpace)

No: Really?

365 Project

2011-04-30T22:44:00.000-05:00

I'm starting a 365 project on May 5th (this week). That means I'm challenging myself to create and post one photograph/video/artwork every day for a year, starting on my birthday.

The idea behind 365 projects is to create a new work every day for a year, pushing creativity even when it's hard. The project also keeps you looking for inspiration all the time, which usually leads to finding it more often. There are several of these projects online - for poetry, photography and even blogging, if you want to try it yourself. The official 365Project.org is a photo version.

If you already follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you should see all of them there as I add them, tagged as #365project.

I've been thinking of doing a 365 project for a long time, but carrying a camera around with me all the time seemed unreasonable (and I just can't seem to blog that often). Now that I have an Apple device (gasp) and smart phone, both with cameras and easy sharing programs, I don't have any excuse. It may not always be polished. Sometimes it'll be dumb. But, in the end, I will have 365 works of art representing a year in my life.

Feel free to comment on them, or give me ideas. I'm sure there will be days when I need it!

A note on love and respect

2011-02-19T16:50:00.000-06:00

I know the title of this post seems connected to the recent flimsy-paper-heart day, but it really came from someone asking what I thought of their boyfriend. At the time, I told her as long, 'as he treats you with respect and love, he's OK with me.' I'd probably add now that he should treat others with respect as well, including himself. But that made me think… what is respect? It's fine to sing, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me," but if you can't put tangible evidence to it, how can you be sure you've got it?

I think Eliza in My Fair Lady said it best. "the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated. I shall always be a common flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me like a common flower girl, and always will. But I know that I shall always be a lady to Colonel Pickering, because he always treats me like a lady, and always will." Put simply, if someone treats you with respect, it brings out the best you have to offer. That's why respect is so important.

Theoretically, children should learn respect from how parents and family treat each other. In the world we live in, that's doesn't always happen and the lessons aren't always good. How does anyone learn to respect others if they've never seen it in close courters, or if they don't respect themselves?

Here are some real life examples (in guy form, but they apply to girls as well):

There is not enough respect if…

—He constantly talks badly about his friends behind their backs. It shows a lack of respect for everyone, especially if he is doing it to make himself look good. And, you can bet if he's talking about them, he's talked about you as well.

—He only tells his side of every story. If he can't see anyone's side but his own, he is not showing respect for other people.

—The guy asks your opinion, says that's a good idea, and then goes out and does the opposite. If he didn't like the idea, he should have been respectfully honest.

—He expects you to respect his space and home, but treats yours like a hotel.

—He hears a firm "no" and continues to push your buttons … for any reason… ever.

There is respect and love if… he shares the load equally. It's hard to imagine rough times when you are starting out, but when economic crisis or the loss of a child happens, you need to know you won't be crying alone. It starts with being able to share - not just his day, but his dreams, fears and hopes. Then when you share with him, does he listen and remember? This isn't flowers for your birthday type memory. When you are afraid, or hurt, does he remember the deeper cause or root of your fear and sooth it? Or, does he simply tell you to 'buck up'?

Also, when you are sad or sick, he shouldn't flee the scene. He should be able to stay and hold you while you sniffle. When he's sick or sad, he should let you hold him, so you can sniffle together. I think this is one reason couples should be together for a while before getting married. If you've never shared bad times together, it's hard to say how either person will react. I know a man who lost his wife to another man, because when they lost a child he was not able to be emotionally there for her. This could also be seen as courage rather than respect, but what is courage if not respect for one's self and others?

If I could boil it down and bring it back to the Eliza quote... If you feel like you are a better person (not just a happier person) when you are with them and afterwards, that is the natural response to love and respect.

For more on this topic, my husband and I can recommend Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. The book focuses on love as a girl thing and respect as a guy thing (and is a lot longer than my post) but is a great read for any couple.

Saga of the Wedding Ring

2010-11-19T15:03:00.000-06:00

Long ago (a few years), I was about to get married. To my surprise, we had no wedding rings and it was a few days before the wedding. After a quick shopping trip, we found something that worked for the wedding, knowing we would get something later. A relative gave me something that matched better, so I used that for a long time. The gift ring started to give me a rash and I recently gave up wearing it. My husband bought me a wedding ring for Christmas, but because of the saga I got it early. :) And now, you see the ring I'll always wear!

A Halloween Tale

2010-10-30T07:06:00.003-05:00

I wrote this based on a dream I had after too much Italian food, a fever, and Halloween decorations. An interesting combination...

It was not a dark and stormy night. The evening was gorgeous, full of laughing, music, and food so good it was like a full orchestra and choir singing the halleluiah chorus in our gullets. As we returned to the flat we were laughing about a joke friends had told. As we turned the corner into the living room, we were beautiful. My dress was gorgeous, with a 1920’s flair, and my husband was in his best suit. We were walking on air. The corpse we met there was wearing a suit as well. He was all dressed up with nowhere to go, lying face down on our living room carpet.

Heads, dead or no, do not generally lay face down in carpet. They roll to the side. This one had been smashed in from the front, so that it stayed face down, though the carpet seemed clean in the dim light. It was one of those great carpets that never showed anything but wear.

Of course, we called the police. Told them we hadn’t touched anything, and we hadn’t. We hadn’t even needed to check his pulse. The stench made it clear he was long gone. We also hadn’t looked through his pockets, or even rolled him over to see who he was. I’d like to think we thought it would be messy, or too disgusting to live with for the rest of our lives, but really we just didn’t want to know. He was rude enough to be dead on our floor. If he was someone we knew, surely, there would be more trouble to come and we'd deal with it then.

But we did know the dead guy. At least, I did, and he had a long evolved back story. To keep it short, he’d been a lover, then a friend, then the only enemy I’ve ever known. I caught a glimpse of what was left of the face as they took away the remains and thought about being sick. He was an old romance, long dead in more ways than one. The policeman said he’d died hours ago, possibly days, and asked questions about mob connections and whether this might be a hit. I said it couldn’t have been a mob hit. It was too late for Christmas and I hadn’t even asked for anything. He didn’t think that was too funny.

I told him, "Why anyone would bring someone long dead and forgotten into my living room I couldn’t say." Perhaps one of his friends from the old neighborhood caught up with him? His dealings were usually of the under-the-table type when I knew him, though he’d always sworn to straighten up. He knew some people that could make your hair stand on end without trying.

The last glimpse I got of him was gruesome and will always stick with me. Luckily, it hasn’t stuck to the carpet and no one has come round to check. We’ve had to find another coffee table, and he’s just not the same.

If you missed the webinar...

2010-10-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

If you missed my Photoshop CS5 webinar, you can still catch the recording free at this address: http://uom.na5.acrobat.com/p17248167/. There were some problems with sound at the beginning, but we worked those out pretty quickly. We're still figuring out this whole webinar thing! :)

Free Photoshop Webinar (Oct. 12th)

2010-10-11T11:57:00.000-05:00

I’m doing a Photoshop webinar tomorrow (Tuesday) from noon to 1pm. I’ll be covering some fun stuff in CS5. Learn how to make images like the one you see here as well as other tips and tricks. Anyone can sign up, even if you are not with the University of Missouri. Go Here: http://doit.missouri.edu/training/webinar.html, and click on the blue “here” link under the schedule around noon tomorrow.

Choices

2010-07-24T15:37:00.000-05:00

Life gives you an abundance of choices. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes the reason it isn't a good thing is not because you don't like the choices, or because you don't like the company, but because you want an escape hatch. Sometimes we're afraid to make the choice we know is the right choice just because it narrows our choices!

It may sound ridiculous, but people have always done it. Millions of people choose to live alone every day because they don't want to limit their choices. Some people have no close friends because they don't want to limit their choice of acquaintances.

Whatever choice you make today, make it! Don't waver, don't wait and don't hold back. If you lose the right choice by waiting for another, then you've lost all of them and perhaps more.

Food Review by Mel and Bert

2010-07-05T17:12:00.000-05:00

For our second anniversary we made a quick trip to St. Louis. One of the places we ate at was so exceptional we decided we needed to review it: Bristol Seafood Bar and Grill.

Technically, the Bristol is part of a larger restaurant chain, although there are only four of them and they are all located in Kansas City and St. Louis. The place was a little dark, but nice, similar to a nice steakhouse in décor. We ordered the set three course dinner. The price was a bit higher than an average steakhouse, so our expectations were also higher.

The presentation was lovely. The first course was seared tuna on a tortilla with baby greens, red onion and vinaigrette sauce. It won our hearts. Delicately seared like a red meat, seasoned deliciously, the taste was subtle and gorgeous. Bert's main course was fillet mignon with crab, served with mash potatoes in a light cheese sauce and asparagus. The fillet mignon was cooked to perfection (rare was actually rare) and very French in style. The crab was delicately done. The cheese added a perfect balance to the meal, rounding out the heavier meats. My main course was poached salmon on risotto (herb rice with butter). I frequently order salmon, and this was some of the best. The risotto, sweet and light, was good enough to stand on it's own.

Desert consisted of a heavy, dark, chocolate silk cake with a caramel coating and sorbet on the side. The cake was a bit heavy for me, but Bert thought it was divine. Certainly the sorbet was delicious and added a nice balance of light-sour to the heavy-sweet cake. There were two things we can't recommend - coffee or cappuccino. Offered as a closer, both tasted stale and bitter We were surprised of its quality after such a lovely meal. Overall, we highly recommend both the service and the food at the Bristol Seafood Bar & Grill.

I'm leading a webinar on web design for portfolios

2010-04-28T16:32:00.003-05:00

On April 29th, from about 12-1pm, I'm doing a webinar on web design for portfolios and personal sites at the University of Missouri. Come join us! If interested, go to http://doit.missouri.edu/training/webinar.html and log in. You don't have to work at MU, or even be in America, to check it out. If you miss it, we will post recordings of these webinars at the link above, but it won't be interactive.

I'm leading a webinar on creating navigation

2010-03-17T19:10:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I'm doing a webinar on creating web navigation from noon to just before 1 pm. If interested, go to http://doit.missouri.edu/training/webinar.html and log in. You don't have to work at MU to check it out.

Pirate Radio Movie Review

2010-03-12T15:05:00.001-06:00

Years ago, boats floated around England broadcasting Rock the BBC wouldn't play. Pirate radio 'stole' frequency and played that wild rock'n'roll. Though the movie "Pirate Radio," staring a host of good actors, makes it sound like they faded away with flower power, they were still alive and well in the 80's. Radio Caroline still lives on as satellite radio, having left their floating home some years ago.

Very seldom does a movie inspire me. And not only me, but the people who go with me. This one did. I don't think it was the actions of the men on the boat, playing music against 'the Man,' though it was slightly heroic. Music was the heart of it.

It was the music that inspired them, and their love for it inspired us. To create such a feeling of loyalty - that is something worthy. So, after the movie we went home and played music together. Whether you play guitar, drums, trumpet or just Rock Band, may it inspire you to great things and sooth your soul.

Welcome to 2010

2010-01-16T17:36:00.001-06:00

I think we call New Year's resolutions "resolutions," because if you call them goals it bites back more when you fail. Nevertheless, I've made a few resolutions this year. One is to blog consistently. Mrf. One is to use my non-wacom tablet more often. I know it would help my productivity if I worked it into my schedule more. The other... well, I've forgotten it already. It was obviously very important.

That doesn’t sound very exciting, I know. But, I’m saving the good stuff for my goals. Here's to 2010 being a lot better than rotten, low-down, ok-not-that-bad 2009!

Blogging

2009-12-28T17:07:00.000-06:00

Blogging has become a bit of a national pastime, possibly even a universal pastime. "We came, we saw, we blogged about it." But what makes a blog affective? What makes it stand out?

There are several seminars and blog posts about just that, some listed below, but it really comes down to content. Clever designs and gimmicks will make a reader stop by once, but it won’t make them subscribe. If you want more than your mother to read it, you have to have something more.

If it’s your personal blog, and you’re not the president or Stephen Fry, you already have a limited audience. Don’t get discouraged if your audience numbers don’t double every week. Enjoy it! Try using different styles of writing, or giving tips for people in your field. If you find a hobby you’d like to talk about, you may gather a following. Remember anyone can and might find your blog. Be careful what pictures and information you divulge.

If it’s a company blog, put in stories of company life, innovations, tips of the trade, or events. Don’t give your blog to the marketing person; give it to the guy who tells the best stories at the coffee machine. People can read marketing blurbs in the news, or your front page. They came to your blog for the inside scoop.

You also have to publish content at regular intervals. If people know they can read your blog every Friday with their morning coffee, they might. If they check in randomly for a month and see new content every time, they might subscribe. If they found one good post, but always come back to the same old post, they’ll give up pretty quickly. Happy blogging!

http://boagworld.com/site-content/old-blog-posts

http://www.webdesignerdepot.com/2009/08/how-to-blog-effectively/

http://www.eff.org/wp/blog-safely

http://www.masternewmedia.org/independent_publishing/blogging-how-to-blog/guide-to-publishing-first-blog-20071104.htm.htm

Netbook Remix – Karmic Koala

2009-11-29T21:10:00.001-06:00

The new netbook remix of Ubuntu Linux is great. I recently installed it on my 901 EEE PC, an upgrade from the previous version. When I first upgraded it was a bit rough, but the updates that came out in the past few weeks have really cleaned it up. I’m sure it would have been fine at the start if I’d done a clean install.

Lots of good changes from the first netbook remix have appeared. The startup and shutdown times are twice as fast after updates. I like the menu on one side, versus the previous version’s two sides. It has clean finished look that takes up less screen real estate. It’s also easy to use. I’ve introduced it to a couple people who’ve never used Linux before and they were able to use it immediately.

One issue that may be unique to me is touching the screen. The interface is structured much like a touch screen kiosk, so even though I don't have a touch screen I keep touching it. I’m sure it was done on purpose, since more and more notebooks are becoming touch sensitive. It also means all icons are clearly defined, which is nice.

I can recommend Koala to anyone, from a grandma to a student.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T20:46:00.000-06:00

Spending holidays with family is always a good time. All sorts of awkward stories and terrible pictures get passed out like presents, things I'll never share here; but, even those remind me life has not always been as it is now. Life has progressed in some form or other. Family you look up to grow old and complain the same way the older family did when they were young. Little kids who looked up to me will soon have another generation to look up to them. I'm sure they'll do as good a job as they can. The change doesn't always go well, but it still goes on. Rather comforting, really.

Google Wave

2009-11-24T09:21:00.000-06:00

Would anyone like to try Googe Wave? If so, let me know.

House Repair and News

2009-10-26T13:09:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted something of my life. We have been quite busy (as those of you who follow on Facebook know). We traveled to Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri for Memorial Day weekend. We had a lovely relaxing stay at Mallard Point and picked up a nice leather jacket for my husband's early birthday. I got an Indiana Jones/Croc. Dundee style leather hat. I'll create a page for some of the nicer shots I took there and post a link eventually.

We also replaced both garage doors with new ones. We've been busy with other repairs/updates at the house.

It's been a very wet summer in Missouri and the basement is telling the tale. We had to do some repair in the basement to keep the rain out. Bert did most of the repair there, so huge kudos to him! I repainted and re-carpeted the basement bathroom (no pictures). I'm currently repainting the main floor bathroom (a job I've been dreading). When we ordered paint for the kitchen in the spring we ordered an extra can (on purpose), so both bathrooms will be the same light sage color as the kitchen.

The upstairs bathroom painting was precipitated by yet another needed repair: the upstairs toilet tank breaking (clean water). There's nothing like trying to lean over a toilet to paint a corner you can barely see, so when we took out the old toilet I decided to paint that corner of the room while I could get to it. Bert and I (Mostly Bert again there. He gets all the fun jobs.) then replaced a toilet with a shiny new one. That left the corner painted and an obvious lack of paint elsewhere. I'm slowly finishing that up.

We also got a new car. I was planning on waiting until it fell apart, but events didn't lean in that direction...

About a month ago my mother was in a car wreck. Both parties survived, but Mom's car was totaled with no way to buy a new one. She needed something to get her to work right away, so she got a loaner, but she needed something permanent soon. She wrecked on the weekend, I got a loan approved on Tuesday, we had a car bought by Wednesday, I got my old car checked out on Friday, Mom came and picked up my car on Monday! She now has my car and I have a new one! It was quite a whirlwind week, but it worked out.

Just in case you are wondering, the new car is a Prius. It's a great car so far. I'm still getting used to it. It's a smooth ride and has lots of fun gadgets. I love the MP3/CD player. I tried to get something other than red, just because I've never had a car that wasn't, but the non-red one's we went to look at first were already gone. Doomed to red. Darn.

Switching to Blogger

2009-10-25T13:11:00.000-05:00

I've change the look of my blog! I may be moving things around and changing them still, since this is a trial, but the link http://melsheffler.com/blog will always go to the newest version of the blog.

Green Day’s new album

2009-09-02T16:48:00.001-05:00

My husband and I really love the new Green Day album, 21st Century Breakdown.

Their last album, American Idiot, impressed me much more than their previous music. “When September Ends” and the title song were very catchy. The album as a whole still had a very pop sound though.

21st Century Breakdown is very aptly being called a “rock-opera” sound. It’s like they went back to school, took “history of ROCK” and applied a Green Day twist to it. It has a unifying theme, but there are influences from everywhere. There is a little Celtic, a little Queen, and several other “classic” rock influences.

New recommended viewing - The IT Crowd

2009-08-27T17:07:00.000-05:00

"Have you tried turning it off and on again? Is it plugged in?" Anyone had to ask family, friends or co-workers those questions? I have some laughs for you.

We have discovered a British comedy show called The IT Crowd. It is priceless! Anyone who has worked in IT, or just the computer industry, will LOVE it. Anyone who has so much as fixed their families computer or hung out with IT people will probably like it. Bert says, "hey, that's my life!" The first two seasons are out on Netflix, which is where we found them. They are only about 25 minutes long, so it leaves plenty of time for cleaning keyboards and counting pixels. Note: read signs in the scenery and Roy's T-shirts. Happy computing!

Meteor shower

2009-08-13T16:10:00.000-05:00

Perseid meteor shower, always cool, was nice and bright from the park last night. The dogs didn't seem to notice, but we did. If you missed it this year, mark your calendar for next year. It usually comes around August 12th.

Searching for leather, or new shoes

2008-11-25T16:05:00.002-06:00

It's easy to find a good pair of shoes. It's harder to find a good pair of shoes I like for less than 100 dollars. Why is that? You'd think since shoe stores flow freely in the U.S., the competition would drive down the price. Not so.

This is usually where I would say something dramatic, something to interest the soul. But, really, I'm just miffed at the price of shoes. They probably cost a couple buck to make in a foreign country. Some poor starving child in Africa probably squished them together for a less than a dollar. So why do I have to pay $100? For that much the poor kid could buy a penthouse and many square meals for his whole family. If you (the shoe company) are not going to give the kid the money, at least give it to me. Then I can make sure the kid gets it, or at least someone who needs it.

Absurd

2008-09-14T16:12:00.002-05:00

Lately I have been shocked at the lack of absurdity and randomness in my blog posts. It's really quite appalling. So... here's some randomness.

Soft leather chair,
Dark and sexy,
Smooth and milky,
I want you,
like a nap.
-----------------------
Botchulism is nice
Botchulism is best
Botchulism likes pink
And wears a frilly dress
-------------------
Dig it with a spoon
Rock it like chocolate,
Leave it cold and alone,
Like ice cream on a summer sidewalk.
------------------------
Make clocks burn,
As if time were consumable,
Like paper money.

Then we'll sit around the fireplace of life
and roast marshmallows.
--------------------------------------
Wandering words salivate over my cold hands. The hands are too frozen to even type, but must struggle with a pen. How archaic and yet beautiful it is to their touch. Magic, how words appear on the page when my thoughts need a crutch. Even when the mind is far away in a wood, more primitive than even the pen, the hands create something unique and remarkable all on their own. Perhaps, when the minds away the hands must play to stay warm. Never fear, the mind will light a fire when it gets back.

Las Vegas Flight

2008-05-20T16:09:00.001-05:00

Ah… my first flight in what seems like ages. I’d forgotten how much I love to fly. That feeling you get when the engine really starts and makes the big push for air. It’s great! And, that moment when the wheels leave the ground… *sigh* Nothing quite like being strapped to an engine and pointed at the sky. And then there’s the view! My neck has a huge crick in it from staring out the window at odd angles. Makes me wish I could be an astronaut, just for a day. I don’t want to train for it or anything.

We flew over a few notables, like the Grand Canyon and mountains. I didn’t have my larger camera out (I couldn’t get over the teenagers to get it), but I did get a few pictures with the smaller camera. I think the teenagers thought I was either nuts or addicted, periodically sticking my camera up to the window for another shot. I’ll try to post a couple.

P.S. Room service is lovely.

Religious thoughts on Marriage

2007-12-03T16:39:00.001-06:00

There are a lot of comparisons in the Bible comparing the relationship between Christ and his followers/church to a marital relationship between two people.

If I treat God as if I am married to him and must remain faithful as a wife, then I must respond: "God and I have this relationship and how does each friendship/romance affect that relationship and fit in our group of two. So, the idea becomes "how does this person affect "us" rather than "me"." It creates an interesting distancing affect between myself and others, as it should, so that I don't focus on how they fulfill me, or might in the future. That place is already filled. I am not alone.

So I begin to think of people (i.e. people I've tried to create lasting relationships with and got to know, not just random individuals) as...

1. People I call family because they understand "our" connection and get it. Their connection may be enough to walk with "us" closely throughout life.

2. People who remind me of how important "our" relationship is and/or encourage it, even if they don't share it.

3. People who discourage or cause "us" pain

4. People who just don't understand "our" relationship and distance themselves.

Basically, thinking about my relationship with Christ as a marriage relationship takes the focus off me and puts it where it should have been anyway - "us"

I'm Engaged

2007-10-29T16:42:00.001-05:00

I thought I’d blog about getting engaged recently. I may embarrass my future spouse, but he can always comment if I get something wrong…

It all started the prior Wednesday, the second anniversary of our first date. I worked until 9 p.m. that night, so we couldn’t really go out. Bert bought me a dozen roses and cookie dough though, because I’d had a rough day and he loves me.

That Friday I stopped by after work to gather the plan for the weekend and found Bert agitatedly awaiting the USPS truck. When asked what he needed so badly, he said “computer part for a client. I need to put something together for Monday.” I was suspicious but played along†.

But, that weekend nothing unusual happened. Nothing came in the mail. I was actually miffed because he wouldn’t go to a jazz festival with me, though I had a good time with other friends. We’d talked about going out to eat downtown to celebrate the anniversary, but it was too crowded from the jazz fest. We did bike over to Longhorn (yummy rolls!) for a meal.

Average Monday… Average Tuesday…

Tuesday night we’re saying goodnight. We always pray together before he leaves and give the dogs a “night night treat.” He says, “I have a gift for you,” and puts a little box w/ a snap into my hand. I open it up to a gorgeous ring. I praised it. He didn’t say anything for a minute, so I started to wonder if it was just an enthusiastic anniversary present. Then he got down on both knees and asked me to marry him. I said yes.

*curtain of decency falls upon much smooching*

The End

†Turns out I was right. He special delivered it, but it didn’t make it. There is a chance Homeland Security felt the need to check it out, since it bore their sticker of approval upon arrival. The same sticker of approval a box of chocolates from England got… only the box, since security ate every chocolate.

Shootings in Virginia

2007-04-18T16:31:00.001-05:00

Perhaps more than Columbine, the school shootings in Virginia really shake me. Maybe it’s because I’ve taught English classes at University and had students like Cho. None of them did something like he did, but they wanted to. They were angry and unhappy, wanting more and faster than anyone could achieve on their own. They were frustrated with their confusion and disconnect from other people, but unsure if they wanted to connect to a society with so many problems and anxieties.

Maybe it’s because I connected with them on a personal level. Not the violence, since I don’t think I could hurt anyone on purpose. But, the isolation and disconnect? That’s human. And, I think everyone has a time in their life when they pull away from people and disconnect. As long as the person is able to reconnect and use that time for personal improvement, it’s a good thing.

The problem is this disconnect is becoming the norm. Everyone is “connected” or “friended” to everyone else, online and off, but no one really knows anyone else. Instead of real contact everyone feels like they have to have more people reading their blog/MySpace/Facebook/E-mail…whatever the latest craze is. It’s not just kids doing it. My approx. 30 year old friends had a contest to see how many people would join their MySpace.

So, I’m coming up with a list to help people know when they’ve been gone too long. If you think of something, feel free to reply to this post with suggestions.

Do you frequently IM people you’ve never met or do not intend to meet (not including professional forums)?
1. Do you spend a lot of time dreaming about being rich/popular?
2. Do you take medications to keep up a “good front”?
3. Do you spend more of your income than you can afford keeping up a “good front”?
4. When you are alone for more than a few minutes do you have anxiety?
5. Do you have a friend you could tell absolutely anything to, or several friends you can “hang” with?

Play it again Sam...

2007-02-06T16:16:00.001-06:00

A friend of mine recently stopped a story mid-sentence because she remembered she’d told the story before. I encouraged her to go on, but the moment was lost.

When I hear a story from someone I’ve heard before I have two choices. I can work on my mental grocery list, or I can try to find out why this story was important enough to tell twice (or even 15 times).

I take the most interest in comparing the previous telling of the story with the current one. The storyteller’s state of mind becomes clear by listening to the differences, often more than the original telling.

The most obvious thing is the emotion with which the story is told. If they tell a story they used to tell lightly, but it comes out very serious, something in that story speaks to how they feel at the moment. I warned it was obvious. The hard part is figuring out if the emotion has anything to do with the story, or something entirely different.

The least obvious is what people leave out or add in. Different details from events are remembered differently depending on what we’ve recently done. If someone mentions a detail about their mother’s response where they haven’t before, they’ve probably recently spoken with or thought about their mum. If the detail is positive, the connection was probably good. The hardest part about this one is remembering which parts of the story are different and how.

Weather is TV

2007-01-06T16:26:00.001-06:00

Most people use weather as a way to make small talk, but I talk about it because it's addicting. Seriously! It's all-natural TV. It's changing all the time, with no answers as to what it'll do next. Sure, we can make predictions, especially if we've been trained what to look for, but it usually surprises us just the same.

Some days it's dark, so we watch it more. It's beautiful and exciting. How many times do you look out the window on a stormy day? Like a great tragedy, or a soap opera, the storm draws the eyes in spite of us.

It's amazing how much it affects human mood. It's a rush. I love it.

Where's your mask?

2006-11-29T16:20:00.003-06:00

Masks, painted or otherwise, hide us well. Personal masks keep people at an emotional distance, protecting whatever we think we need to hide.

I've met people with obvious masks, some with good intentions: "I'm fine, just...fill in the blank here." Some are just a macho, or needy, attitude that is much more frustrating, because it's harder to confront attitudes than obvious lies.

Other masks are more difficult to discern and even harder to work against. Some people keep a busy schedule so no one has time to really get to know them. Some people are arrogant or mean, so no one dares get emotionally close. These masks are hard because you can't tell why the mask is there, or even if there is a mask, until you get to know them. It hurts to get to know them, so most don't bother.

Stranger’s masks we must respect. It is not my right to break a stranger's personal shield because I’m not in the mood to take crap. That's for their friends and family. The question is… where do we draw the line?

P.S. -- This is not an emo posting, just thought provoking.

Great Expectations

2006-09-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

It is with great sadness that I mourn the passing of summer. This evening I put away my sandals in memoriam and put on socks for the first time in months. It is a ritual, a kowtowing to the beast of winter; but, an odd thing happened this fall. When my toes curled into their cotton entrapments…it felt good. It felt cozy, like an arm around your shoulder at a fall bonfire. I didn’t want it to feel good; I wanted my toes to cry “FREEDOM” till the last days of September. They didn’t.

We all pass through life with great expectations. Some are fulfilled and we can't remember why we wanted them. Some are lost and we may always be haunted by their absence. I pray that as we lose autumn leaves to the cold, we also let expectation fall to the ground. Not standards, just what we think we want, or "have to" have. Winter is tiring enough without being weighed down by false expectations.

Romance Poem

2004-02-24T16:52:00.003-06:00

Welcome to Flimsy Paper Heart month. For those of you who got something, here's a poem...

"I'll stand with you"
Your look
So subtle and
so often
Thrown

Is wreathed in
Too much shadow
and flame
To stand alone.

Fall Poem

2003-11-24T16:39:00.001-06:00

As the year ends and the last of the leaves slips under the porch where I'd never be able to get them out (good thing it's not my porch), I look over my thoughts. It doesn't take long. So, instead of that, I leave you with a seasonal poem. Happy Thanksgiving!

"Yearly"
Green
Straight through
to the

Brown
Of the years end.
In a

White
Blanket I will wait
for the

Green
To come
again

Halloween Poem

2003-10-24T16:34:00.002-05:00

Happy Halloween! Here's a poem to warm your fall:

"Halloween"
Rats, Bats, and Sassafras,
They all taste good in tea,
Please have a cup,
And drink it up!

Please, have some of my tea!

A Poem for School

2003-08-24T16:31:00.003-05:00

Here's a poem for those parents and children returning to those hallowed halls of school this month. Don't be afraid to show off a bit. It shows you are more than what you once were.

"Rock On"
She stood up
from her finished paper
with a cheer:

"It's my birthday
I'm Cool,
I'm Hot,
I finish things before I start.
Gimme a cool million,
'Cause I ROCK."

A happy dance
Filled the floor
My mocking smile
From the doorway
Stopped her dead
Killing her
Brief humanity
With embarrassment.

Time Travel

2003-06-24T16:30:00.001-05:00

If we could time travel, would we still feel that time-belonging? Or, would we belong to something bigger? People's ideas of where they belong have certainly expanded in the past. At one time, people's very name depended upon their town of birth. Jack London's ancestors didn't get their names from his book covers, after all. Now people say they are citizens of their country. It really is an immense change in thought for such a relatively small amount of time. Will someone someday say, "I'm from the 2017 time zone," and think nothing of it?

Will years, like fine wines, be labeled? "Delicate bouquet, sits well with lamb chops." Others will be called "dirty great pan of dishwater. Avoid, or hold nose." Will my years be those latter years? Notice, I still call them mine. Will I ever bear the right to claim more than those I see here?

What rule says we can only change the bits of history we belong in? Everybody says that changing the past is dangerous, but the present is just someone else's past (We hope). And, who's to say where we belong in the first place? Nobody has told me to stay in 21st century. Not yet, anyway.

On Poetry

2003-05-05T16:16:00.003-05:00

There are two kinds of poetry. One type is poetry for the sake of poetry, or beauty. Poe's "The Raven" is the best example I can think of. It's incredible and creates a gorgeous pathos, but it doesn't make you want to do anything.

The other type of poetry makes the audience think about, or do, something in an entirely new way. Blake's "Chimney Sweeper" is a good example. Its depiction of poor children forced to clean chimneys made me mad when I first read it. If it had been a modern poem, I might have written a letter to Parliament about the shameful misuse of children.

Which is better? It's hard to say. It is hard to categorize poetry, let alone make arbitrary judgements on its produce. The latter seems the more logical choice. It attempts to improve society. But, how many people can quoth "The Raven" versus "The Chimney Sweeper," despite the "Sweeper" being a much shorter poem? Perhaps logic and poetry were not meant to be together. Perhaps, for the sake of world peace, we need both. What do you think?

An "Ivory Tower" -1938

2003-04-23T18:24:00.029-05:00

In "The Ivory Tower," E.M. Forster says we all feel the need for a separate tower, a place we can find solitude. He's right. Sometimes you just need some "me" time. Further, Forster says the reasons for the ivory tower are fear and boredom. Fear, he states, is dangerous and unhealthy, while boredom draws the poet's pen to paper. I don't think they are as mutually exclusive as Forster makes them sound. Rather than thinking of them as two separate results, I see them feeding off each other.

People get bored, so they go have a think. Separation in the tower becomes seclusion, and then a siege of the mind. It is when the person stays secluded for too long that they become fearful. On the other hand, certain dramatic occurrences could create situations where fear builds a tower before boredom can get a brick made. I maintain, though these exceptions occur, that under normal circumstances boredom comes first.

It is important for us, especially those of us in the sequestered academic life, to create a balance in our lives. Some need more tower time than others; but neither the tower, nor the "chicken run" of the city, should dominate our lives. It stops fear and it's good for you; what more reason do you need?

Another day, Another column

2003-02-24T16:15:00.002-06:00

Another dreary day, another endless night, another walk in someone else's shoes...Sounds like the beginning of a cheesy detective novel, does it not? Fear not! It is I, Column Writer, who will save you from this tragedy. Wait, what's that I see? In the distance? It's a bird; it's a plane; it's...a poor use of a semicolon. Somewhere, in a dark city that knows how to keep some really low-tech secrets, there stands a soul eager. Eager for what, you ask? Eager for me to end this column. Thank goodness.

Survived another Christmas

2002-12-24T16:08:00.001-06:00

Well, the old year is coming to a close. Did you survive Christmas? I'm already thinking of New Year's resolutions to break. Last year I came up with the idea to not talk about the weather in my column. Failed there. So, this year I will come up with something that is absolutely impossible to fail. How about: I will not consume any wood products. (I'll have to avoid Country Time Lemonade.) I'll absolutely refuse to have any extinct animals as pets. (The dodo is "totally out" anyway.) AND, I will not get lost in the Super Walmart ever again. (As if that would happen anyway...*nervous laugh.*) Anyway, stay safe and have a happy new year!

Dropping a Clanger?

2002-11-20T16:07:00.003-06:00

I have found new entertainment! Well, it's new to me. I have stumbled upon a lovely British comedy from the sixties called The Navy Lark. If you like terrible puns, word play, and...well...British comedy, you'd have loved this. It's gone now, after being a successful radio and television show. You can still find it floating around for sale on Amazon or the occasional NPR station. If you ever get the chance, check it out.

Other than that, how's the weather in your neck of the wood? (Exactly what part of the woods is its neck? Hmmm... There's something to ponder this month.)

I'm Back

2002-09-24T16:03:00.001-05:00

Well. I have arrived. Who would have thought the difference between graduate school and undergrad was 500 hours in the library? That wouldn't have been my first guess. The work is interesting though. I won't complain...too much. ;)

Back to work on this sight! Enjoy the weather while you can!

Summer is Beautiful

2002-07-24T15:53:00.000-05:00

Welcome! The summer is at its best, hot and steamy. The movies this month have not been bad, but there has been a real lack of anything "Whoa Baby". The type of movie that makes you just sit for a few minutes afterwards staring at a blank screen, because you are so moved you can't move. I haven't seen any of those lately, except on rent. I rented Beautiful Mind last week. It is a beautiful movie. It surprises, tells a true story...it's just beautiful.

I'm going back to school next month, so don't look for too many new reviews for a bit (Unless you send them in to me, hint, hint), but once I get settled with a regular internet connection I'll be ready to really get back to work on this site. Until then, behave!

Apology Excepted

2002-06-24T15:49:00.001-05:00

Good day to you all! Did you miss me? Did you notice there was no column for May? If you didn't, then woes betide you. For those of you who did notice, you deserve an explanation. Well...it was my birthday month and I was lazy. That's all you're going to get I'm afraid--a sorry excuse and a promise of a better future. But then, isn't that all we ever get?

Well, summer is here and the heat is on. All the summer hits are starting to hit the big screen. What do you think? I need some reviews from those of you out there in fandom. I haven't seen the new Star Wars flick, what's the word? Also, it's been a while since I've had a book review passed under my nose. Anyone out there reading, or is it becoming a lost art? Show me the reviews!

Not about the Weather

2002-04-24T15:42:00.002-05:00

You know, I've been looking through my old columns and I've noticed something. Whenever I can't think of anything to say I talk about the weather. Starting today, I promise never to talk about the weather or seasons again. After all, they are not necessarily the same for all of my readers anyway, right? So I'll never again mention the weather. Not even once will I speak its simple name. Never again will its ever present head darken my column. The last thing you will ever hear me say in this column is weather.

The Oscars are in, wish the sunny weather was too!

2002-04-20T15:37:00.007-05:00

Good Day! The Oscars have come out, with Lord of The Rings winning quite the show. A Beautiful Mind won the big one though! That will be another feather for Russell Crowe, who did rather well last year as well. I wish him all the best.

As summer rolls closer and closer I can't help but wonder what will be the new blockbuster? The next Lord of the Rings movie, based on the second book of JRR Tolkien's trilogy, is due to come out in a few months. The second story of the Star Wars trilogy is also coming up soon. Will there be an unexpected breakthrough? I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm looking forward to good weather and exceptional theatre popcorn!

New Year's Resolutions

2002-01-20T15:22:00.001-06:00

Another new year has arrived. Fifty million ads have already told you what your New Year’s resolutions should be and how you can fulfill your dreams for 20 dollars less than last year. I'm not going to do it. I could tell you, but why bother? You know them twice as well as I do, and yet you probably still ignore them.

Instead, I'm going to selflessly write about my new time-saving computer. It is a thing of beauty to behold. Things that used to take me hours now take two minutes. But, I think I've logged a good hundred hours depressing its lovely keys this week. You see the irony? The problem is, I keep thinking of bigger and more impressively (i.e. pointlessly) complex things for it to do.
A friend of mine was talking about the advancement of computers the other day, and I had to agree. In two years my high-tech machina will be so outdated I wouldn't bother giving it to a dog. So, why is it I spend so much time on it?

Perhaps there is a New Year resolution in that. I resolve to spend less time on the computer. Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe I'll try that next year.

A Fresh Look at Christmas

2001-12-22T15:03:00.001-06:00

This Christmas I think the most important thing to remember is what parents have been telling kids for years. "We don't have to have Christmas, not everyone does you know!" Usually that's followed by a, "we CAN take those presents back," but I want to focus on the first part.

We have had Christmas for so long we come to expect it. We don't question it. In Christmas cartoons, the idea is an spoken of in terms of the worst horror possible, something that just can't be! We call our presents gifts, but gifts are only so demanded at this point in the year! We're becoming expectant, every year more so.

This year, try to think of your Christmas gifts as if you've never received one before. When family and friends come to call, try to pretend you haven't been expecting them for months and didn't know it was their turn to come.

In light of this year's attack especially, we need to remember that Christmas isn't the right of every American, it's a gift to every human.

Junk Mail

2001-11-12T01:00:00.001-06:00

I was checking my junk e-mail the other day and I came across one with an interesting subject--"So, how bad do you want it?" The actual content of the letter is less than worth mentioning, but the subject caught my brain. So, how bad do you want it?

The more I thought about it, the bigger the phrase became. Soon it was encompassing life, the universe and everything (to coin a phrase). It takes in the bigger ideologies, such as...How bad do you want freedom? If you go cosmic...how bad do you want hope? Enough to fight for it? Enough to give your soul to the asking? Taking it down to the everyday man... How bad do you want the TV off? Enough to get up and turn it off? On the most basic of all levels... How bad do you want food? Bad enough to find and cook it? Let's go a little more current with the worldwide view...How bad do you want peace? Bad enough to loose a little freedom? How much freedom are you willing to loose? That's what Bin Laden is asking.

These are big, important topics that we each deal with every day. Choices have to be made and each person has to decide how important a thing is for them at that moment. Remember that there are always consequences, good and bad. How odd it is that every choice can be boiled down to such a simple question. Don't let it weigh you down though. It's still your answer, no matter who asks the question. So, how bad do want it?

Diamond in the Rough

2001-10-01T16:12:00.017-05:00

I hear people talk about the selfless acts of children and the tender, continual gifts from youth. Do these people know any real children? Children, by nature, are selfish. The phrase 'give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile' was created expressly for the purpose of describing kids. No one else will ask more from you anywhere.

When they give you something it means they want something. They want praise, money, things, a new toy, or just love. When they get that something they cheerfully ask for more.

So am I down on children? NO! The reason those gifts are so precious is because they are so rare. It is quite a privilege to except a last piece of candy from a three year old, or have a teenager want to do...anything...with you. The gift is precious to the giver, so it is precious to us. It becomes a diamond in the rough.

Shark Attack!

2001-09-09T16:04:00.005-05:00

I was driving down the road the other day, listening to the radio report on the recent shark attacks. So absorbed was I in the news that I missed the police officer lying in wait just a few feet away! Luckily, I was going under the speed limit, but it made me think...the sudden rush of adrenaline and the touch of panic...sharks!

Are police really sharks? Of course not. But, the similarities are striking. They both lie in wait for the big fish, often leaving the little speeders to slip by. The feeling one gets as one sees them along the oceans of American Highways is like seeing a shark fin come out of the water about thirty feet away. And when one flashes their lights behind you? Feel that sense of doom? You're about to be eaten. You may even loose an arm an' a leg.

Perhaps they should both wear "full" signs, like an airport parking lot. Hang a little hook on their back fin or window that says "exceeding capacity" or "all full up for today". Think of the sighs of relief! Children could safely play in the ocean. Father's could speed home from work to their loving families. Ok, maybe that's a bit melodramatic, but wouldn't it be nice?

Travel Time

2001-08-23T20:00:00.010-05:00

Have you noticed it? A lack of communication during travel? If you don't get that treated it could kill you. Ok, maybe not kill you, but it certainly will leave you depressed.

Every day Americans travel for hours to see our fantastic natural sites scattered all over the US. We then spend five minutes in awe, get back in the car, and drive those endless hours home. Obviously the main purpose of travel is no longer to 'get there'. It must be the communications shared along the way. So what happened?

For a long time (the simple ages before the car) the purpose WAS to just get there. I figure, when your walking beside a wagon for days on end, like the pioneers did, that's about all that keeps you going. Thinking, 'I'll be there...someday I'll be there'. I can only imagine what they talked about. They had to talk as they traveled, you see, to fight off the boredom.

As we raced into the fifties, travel speed became the ultimate thrill. You could now travel, if you had the money, anywhere in the world in a matter of days. Thus began the rush, look, and leave syndrome I mentioned earlier. Everyone wanted to see everything before his or her neighbor did. Ah, but travel wasn't as fast as it seemed! There were still hours of boredom between here and there. So we created car games and getting there became half the fun.

Now we've taken car games to a new level. Game boys, computers, in-car TVs, personal CD players, cell phones, have I forgotten anything? I'm sure I have. Notice all these things keep us from talking to each other? No communication is had, at least not w/ people in the car. In fact, we avoid it like the plague. You know what? I think we should talk about it. All of us. Put down the cell phone, turn off the Game Boy, close the book for a bit, and talk. Just talk.